Dear Friend,

How are things.. I hope there good.

Let me start off by saying im really looking forward to seeing you in a few days. Let me also say that Im not writing this to in any way offend you, or make you feel bad for anything you have done. Im only writing it because its been on my mind. I don’t want to see you make the same mistake that a very close friend of mine made when I was your age. I really value you as a friend. You’re an awesome person! Your funny, your smart, and your always so happy. You’re the first person in the morning that always says hi to me and that makes me smile every day :) I really like that :)

I wanted to tell you about a friend of mine when I was your age that I lost to MDMA. The drug more commonly known as ecstasy. I was his classmate at school, and more like someone that helped him with his work. He had a learning disability much the same as I do, but he was much worse off. He was in the special ed classes for most of his day, but he still would come to math to learn with us. I can remember one day I was walking to the train station with him and he was telling me about his day. For reasons im not to this day sure of, he had taken a hit of MDMA before I met up with him. I will never know why, or where he was headed, but we kept walking to the train station. He seemed off that afternoon. He wasn’t himself. He was really edgy, and talking a lot faster than usual, but I didn’t know anything was wrong. He was still the same old kid, but just different that day. We got to the train station and it was close to 4 in the afternoon. The trains now are starting to come faster and we didn’t have to wait long before mine finally came. I said goodbye, and boarded my train. I didn’t think anything was wrong with my friend other than the fact that he didn’t look very good, being pale and sweaty he seemed sick, but I didn’t say anything. Just the usual, see you at school tomorrow, and have a good nite.

I didn’t know that those would be the last words I ever spoke to him. I got up the next day, and it was a Friday. I was excited to get to school. Weekend was almost here! I got in to school and it was very quiet that morning. All the teachers were quiet, and there were a lot of people outside the special ed room. Slaymans parents were there with some other people. I kept about my business and went to class. We got a page that day over the intercom that there was an assembly we had to go to so we went to the gym and all sat down. It was there that I learned that Slayman died the night before, at Heritage Station. He didn’t even make it onto his train. The train he was supposed to get on would have been exactly 3 minutes after mine if they were running on schedule. He suffered a massive heart attack on the platform and went into immediate cardiac arrest.  Slayman died that night all because of one little pill.

Theres not a day that goes by that I don’t still think of my friend. When I look in the paper and see that young people are using this stuff more and more it just makes me feel so bad for them. It really makes me sad to think back to that Thursday afternoon. What if I had been there when he was given that hit? What if I had waited and took the next train instead? Could I have helped him in any way? There are help phones all over the platforms, and I knew CPR. Could I have done anything? It still plays in my mind, and its something I will never forget. I lost a friend that day, and im writing this now because I don’t want to lose another.

The use of MDMA has become really mainstream over the past few years, and its scary now to see that because more and more busts are being made its putting more pressure on the cook shops to put out more product. Because theres more pressure for product to be produced, its coming out in worse and worse quality. They are now cutting other drugs into the pills, like ketamine, heroine and PMA, just to keep up with the demand. Its all stuff that fucks your head up for good. PMA can even kill you with just one hit. My grandfather had parkinsons disease, where you shake and shake and cant speak. Its really sad to see. Did you know they have found now that MDMA can do serious damage to your brain, that causes a more likely onset of Parkinsons disease? Im sure you don’t want to end up with that later on in life. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy. I’m sorry if you have read this far, but I know your smarter than that. I really do. I have had the pleasure of some long conversations with you, and I just wanted you to know the main reason I changed my life around.

I can never get my friend back. I will never know who sold or gave him the hit he took. I will always remember seeing his parents at my school that day, and shaking his fathers hand, saying I was sorry that I didn’t stay for a few more minutes. He said it was not my fault, and to hold onto the fact that I was his sons last memory. I will always live with the fact that I was the last person to see him alive, and I hold that close in my heart. I didn’t know what had caused his death until a few days after, but it was written up after his autopsy that it was the fact he had taken a high concentration of MDMA that caused his heart to arrest.

I don’t want to scare you, and I didn’t write this for anything other than to let you know my experience with MDMA at your age. I know you’re a smart person, and I hope you read this far. I have a lot of respect for you, and I know you can turn yourself around if you put your mind to it. I know its hard, I really do. I will stand behind you as much as I can to help you to change, and become the person you want to be. I know in talking to you that you have said you want to change, but you have to want it more than anything else. Your not alone. I know of people around you that want to see you succeed as well, and see you turn things around for the better. You are the only one that can do this, and you have to do it for you. Don’t do it for anyone else but yourself, but do it knowing that other people also want you to do it for yourself. You’re a great person, and a good friend. I don’t want to lose that for anything. I have lost too many friends down that road, and Ill stand behind you as long as you want to make things better for yourself. If I had to wonder now a days where those friends went, I would have no idea where to even start. I’ve checked facebook and the 2 that left me as a friend for a bag of weed or mush that night, aren’t on there. I don’t know if there dead or where they are now. But seeing as everyone has a facebook, Im assuming the worst. I told them we could hang out still, but I didn’t want to have anything to do with what they were getting involved in. They told me pretty much to fuck off, and so I did. I’m not sad for leaving that lifestyle, but I am sad I lost them as friends. These are people I went to kindergarten with, and watched grow up. They were the kind of friends you should have for life. And now I don’t.

Thanks for your time, im sorry this was so long, but I felt I needed to get it off my chest.  I am very protective over my friends, because I very much value them all for each of their own special things they bring to me. I hope you have read this, and filed it away somewhere so you can perhaps read it again one day. I know you can change if you put your mind to it. I know you will make the right decisions in life, and learn from your mistakes. You don’t need chemicals to alter your mood, just say no, and next time call someone that makes you happy. They can  have a more profound effect on your overall mood, and that is the best high you can get. When your sad, friends are there to cheer you up. When your happy, they’re there to keep you that way.

I don’t want to lose you as well. You mean a lot to me, and like I said. You make me smile every morning, and that in itself is an amazing quality that only you have :)

Thanks for listening, and I hope I will still get you meet you when I come out. I don’t want to ruin what we have between us, but I do feel better now that I have gotten that off my chest. :)